Disconnected

I stumbled on a desert island of un-connectivity earlier today. It happened by accident. I switched from one Internet provider to another and for twelve hours I was left adrift between Cuckoo and BT. I have little phone reception at home - enough for an old-fashioned call - but not enough for modern browsing which, I now realise, used to be a word that meant perusing books. When did that happen?

It felt strange being disconnected at first but, very soon, it was wonderful. I couldn’t do anything. No emails. No researching. It was like the freedom of being ill with the sickness part taken away. I couldn’t check the news. Nor Instagram, Threads or even listen to music on Spotify. I decided to just sit in the feeling of being disconnected from the world and look around for a while. I soon felt the urge to go outside so I took the dog for a longer walk than usual but didn’t check my emails while I was doing it. I took photos of the sun instead that was low in the November sky. I stood still for a while just watching the way the leaves refracted the light as Winnie looked up at me, confused.

I have had days without going online before, but usually only on holiday or sometimes we do ‘screen free Sundays’ and play games with the kids. But I’m still thinking about my phone when I’m not using it. My phone still has my attention - just in a different way. This was different because it was a work day and I was not forgoing it. It wasn’t available. When I got back home the room I work in looked different. It smelled different. And after looking out of it for a while I realised the view from the window was no longer the same.

I began to wonder if I had ‘moved’ into a different part of my consciousness, which was still me but felt familiar if a little strange. Giving me a new perspective on what I’m usually seeing. ‘It’s nice here’ I thought to myself as I explored this part of my consciousness. As though there was an atlas of attention I could explore not just in the world but inside my head too. I began to smile for no reason. I felt more settled in this place. I was not in-between things, I was just being.

Was I hungry? I wondered, when I noticed it was noon. No. Not really. Nor thirsty. What shall I do? I could go for a run. I thought. So I did that. Then I had a shower. Then I came back down to my room and it looked different in a new way. I had some lunch, making something much more complicated and delicious than usual. Then went to collect the kids from school. By the time we came home the internet was working again. Before deciding to do it I checked my email to find no messages but understood I was no-longer in that different state of consciousness any more. I was no longer marooned. I soon felt homesick. I’m going to go there again, I thought. As I considered this new way of inhabiting my brain. I’m going to visit that place more often. The place where I am the same but not the same

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