Here's a thing I've been thinking about in the last few weeks. It's quite a big one. If you are feint of heart save it for another day.
We spend our adult lives working hard to acquire badges in the forms of words or acronyms that slot neatly after our names. The badges I've worked hardest for and are consequently most fond of are the words 'bestselling', 'award wining', 'author' and 'entrepreneur'.
We all aspire to badges of one kind or another because they make us feel better about ourselves. If I'm honest, in more moments than I would care to admit I don't feel I'm enough without them.
I don't have a degree, and I've always been a bit jealous of medical people who seem to have endless acronyms and qualifications after their names. Not content with having them after their names, some even have a particularly lovely one 'Dr' before them. This is probably the one I covet the most.
The funny thing is though, the older I get the keener I am to get rid of these badges.
Now I long for 'Dan Kieran' to be enough.
Imagine if only your name was enough!
I did an interview for a new project I’m doing for the launch of Do Radio, which is part of the Do Lectures family, on the theme of adventure and it will be aired in the Summer. The interview was with the storyteller Martin Shaw and I will share it when I get a transmission date. The subject of our names being enough came up in the interview. Martin then recalled a conversation he recently had with the former Archbishop of Canterbury Rowan Williams. Williams had said to Martin that when we die God won't ask why we were not more like Mother Theresa or more like Martin Luther King. God will ask instead "Why Did you not earn your name?"
The thought of God asking me why I did not spend my life being more like ‘Dan Kieran’ has knocked me sideways. As soon as Martin shared the recollection, air burst involuntarily out of my mouth with an 'OOF!' sound and I instantly understood the importance of the insight.
Why did you not earn you name?
I have always tried to be myself but now I'm thinking I have a lot more work to do if I am to step into the name I have. But this raises the question. How does one live up to ones name?
The first thing to say is that it surely does not mean just doing what you want. Or endlessly performing the neurotic behaviours you adopted to make your life work that you have mistakenly accepted as being elements of your character. Being yourself means stripping away all the calcified ideas that have stuck to you and told you who and what you are to reveal what’s left.
In my case, what I’ve found underneath the mistaken definitions I have discovered so far is the sound of a very quiet voice. A quiet voice that I recognise. When I first heard it it began to laugh in a very comforting way that seemed to say ‘aha. There you are. Welcome home’.
And in my life now I am doing my best to listen to that quiet voice. The trouble is, life is very noisy. You have to deliberately still yourself to be able to hear it.
My quiet voice is loudest when I am in nature. When I am folded up in the arms of my wife, wallowing in the oxytocin of her affection, and when I’m talking meaningfully to my children. And of course it’s here on the page. In the form of words my mind is cajoling to try and make sense of my thoughts in real time that make me feel surprised even as they appear before me.
So why should we strive to earn our names? Why does it matter? Because our names are badges too and one day we will all have to leave ours behind. And on some level I don’t quite understand, I believe earning our names is what allows us to let go of them freely at the end of our lives.
Thanks for reading and, as always, let me know what you think.
Dan